Faith and I traveled this long hallway again tonight. It's the hallway that connects the ER (they call it ED here) in the old building to the elevator up to the 7th floor in the new building. Sunday night. We almost made it. Actually, we knew this morning that we would be here. She woke up with a stomach ache. Her temp was 100.1. Normally, before August 12 normally, I would have told her to shake it off, given he some Tylenol and gone on with my day.
We did go on with our day, just in a different direction. Chandler ran to the pool store to address the green tint in the pool and I skipped my run and made a grocery list. We didn't know how much time we would have. We don't have to call the hospital until the fever is 100.4 two times in an hour, so we figured there was at a least an hour. I was grumpy, though, and that's not good. Pissed is really more accurate. But, Faith was fine, Chandler was fine, Kady was making a blanket fort in the front room that she and the dog were bonding in. Chandler, who knows me better than I know myself most times, offered to go with me to the store. He had me laughing before we even backed out. It was a date! I will take a date in any form that it comes, DC Steakhouse or Fry's! I joked, only half-way joking to be honest, that we should have put a little wine in some travel mugs to really make it official ;)
We did go on with our day, just in a different direction. Chandler ran to the pool store to address the green tint in the pool and I skipped my run and made a grocery list. We didn't know how much time we would have. We don't have to call the hospital until the fever is 100.4 two times in an hour, so we figured there was at a least an hour. I was grumpy, though, and that's not good. Pissed is really more accurate. But, Faith was fine, Chandler was fine, Kady was making a blanket fort in the front room that she and the dog were bonding in. Chandler, who knows me better than I know myself most times, offered to go with me to the store. He had me laughing before we even backed out. It was a date! I will take a date in any form that it comes, DC Steakhouse or Fry's! I joked, only half-way joking to be honest, that we should have put a little wine in some travel mugs to really make it official ;)
We had most of the weekend, though, and we made the most of it! Friday was the school dance and Faith wanted to go! I have been really trying to keep her connected to the school, to her friends and the community. She WILL beat this and go back to school, so I don't want her to feel like an outsider when that day comes. But up until this point, she has been very hesitant to come for anything more than lunch with her sister in the quad. I was thrilled, but nervous, too. What if the kids don't accept her and instead ignore her or stare, point, and make secret conversations behind her back?!? Faith was adamant about taking her crutches rather than her wheelchair. This is one of the little ways she roars! I was nervous about that, too. Nervous that she might get her hurt in the crowd of kids or tire herself out. But, it worked out great! The dance wasn't super busy and the kids welcomed her with open arms. They were excited to see her! Whew! Exhale! Victory!
Friday night was the night of the BIG sleepover. We were sticking to the plan. The girls would have our room to so that Faith could get to the restroom without stepping over a sleeping body and they could stay up and watch movies and chit chat. She was so excited. Truthfully, so was I! Excited for her to get a little taste of normalcy and recapture the best parts of being 11. Right or wrong, when we were pregnant with both girls, that was our biggest wish...not for the smartest or the prettiest, but for a normal child. One who would blend in and have friends. One who would BELONG. I think the biggest thing that gets me about all of this is how NOT normal we are now and how all of things that she did and we did to be a part of this community have been taken away or postponed. Sorry, back on track...so, the sleepover went really well! The girls all seemed to have a great time staying up late, making rainbow loom bracelets, talking, and watching a movie. Another exhale AND a big victory...Faith took her hat off while her girlfriends were there! I was stunned and thrilled. I knew that I had to play it cool, but I wanted to grab her and jump up and down telling her how proud and excited I was. I was so proud of her friends for accepting her nearly hairless head, too. I don't think that can be easy for them, either. Honestly, I don't know that I would be that confident. How many adult women would trust their friends enough to literally let their hair down and sit, exposed, with nothing to hide under?!? Since then, she has left her hat off more and more, even on the way to the ED last night! Thata girl! On a side note, the pictures that I post of her without her hat on have been mostly candid shots. She has no idea I am taking them or posting them. Well, who am I kidding, she is a smart girl, so she probably does know, she is just polite enough to keep it to herself!
Friday night was the night of the BIG sleepover. We were sticking to the plan. The girls would have our room to so that Faith could get to the restroom without stepping over a sleeping body and they could stay up and watch movies and chit chat. She was so excited. Truthfully, so was I! Excited for her to get a little taste of normalcy and recapture the best parts of being 11. Right or wrong, when we were pregnant with both girls, that was our biggest wish...not for the smartest or the prettiest, but for a normal child. One who would blend in and have friends. One who would BELONG. I think the biggest thing that gets me about all of this is how NOT normal we are now and how all of things that she did and we did to be a part of this community have been taken away or postponed. Sorry, back on track...so, the sleepover went really well! The girls all seemed to have a great time staying up late, making rainbow loom bracelets, talking, and watching a movie. Another exhale AND a big victory...Faith took her hat off while her girlfriends were there! I was stunned and thrilled. I knew that I had to play it cool, but I wanted to grab her and jump up and down telling her how proud and excited I was. I was so proud of her friends for accepting her nearly hairless head, too. I don't think that can be easy for them, either. Honestly, I don't know that I would be that confident. How many adult women would trust their friends enough to literally let their hair down and sit, exposed, with nothing to hide under?!? Since then, she has left her hat off more and more, even on the way to the ED last night! Thata girl! On a side note, the pictures that I post of her without her hat on have been mostly candid shots. She has no idea I am taking them or posting them. Well, who am I kidding, she is a smart girl, so she probably does know, she is just polite enough to keep it to herself!
Saturday, we went to watch our team play, the team Faith would have been on, the Bullmoose Panthers. I would be lying if I said it was easy for me to go. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do yet. Damn it! That was supposed to be HER out on that mound. I know that is a childish, immature way to think, but this blog isn't about being politically correct and sugar coating. I LOVED watching Faith pitch, to the point that I wouldn't really even speak to people when she was out there on the mound. It hurts me to the core to think that she will never pitch again. I am trying to be a positive person. I know that miracles exist and happen every day, but I also have to be realistic. Faith found her thing and pushed and pushed at her dad and I until we believed the way she did and now, it's gone. Screw that!!!!! I know people keep telling me that everything happens for a reason, and they just may be right, but I can't see it now. All I know is that I am mad for Faith because she is too stinkin' nice to be mad for herself.
So, we are sitting at this game to support our team and our friends, whom I am very impressed and proud of. Madi, Faith's BFF has blossomed as a pitcher. She was really good and I did enjoy watching her! So was Sydney, her other bestie! We are also there to support the Jalapeño's...the opposing team. 2 of our friends are on that team, AND, their pitcher, Maddie, a Bullmoose patient, has graciously decided to help Faith by having people pledge money for her every strike out. They will help Maddie to "Strike out Faith's Cancer". Wow! This 11 year old girl doesn't even know my daughter. She just realizes that she is a fellow pitcher, a fellow 11 year old girl up against the fight of her life and she is pitching in, pardon the pun:) and people are helping her! Human kindness is overflowing...
So, we are sitting at this game to support our team and our friends, whom I am very impressed and proud of. Madi, Faith's BFF has blossomed as a pitcher. She was really good and I did enjoy watching her! So was Sydney, her other bestie! We are also there to support the Jalapeño's...the opposing team. 2 of our friends are on that team, AND, their pitcher, Maddie, a Bullmoose patient, has graciously decided to help Faith by having people pledge money for her every strike out. They will help Maddie to "Strike out Faith's Cancer". Wow! This 11 year old girl doesn't even know my daughter. She just realizes that she is a fellow pitcher, a fellow 11 year old girl up against the fight of her life and she is pitching in, pardon the pun:) and people are helping her! Human kindness is overflowing...
I am holding strong, hanging with MY girlfriends, watching the game, when Ken tells me that the
league is selling ribbons in Faith's name and that every dollar that is raised,
the league will match. Done! I am losing it. I can't keep it in anymore this swell
of emotion. I feel angry that Faith is watching from a wheelchair
on my side of the fence, I feel proud of my friend's kids
for doing so well, I feel gratitude for Jalapeño Maddie and now I feel l can't
keep it in anymore. Thank God for sunglasses and thank God for my bestie who
seems to get it and reaches out to hug me just in time!
We are lucky to have these strangers rally around to help and even more lucky to have our "village" wrap around even closer! Thank you God!
league is selling ribbons in Faith's name and that every dollar that is raised,
the league will match. Done! I am losing it. I can't keep it in anymore this swell
of emotion. I feel angry that Faith is watching from a wheelchair
on my side of the fence, I feel proud of my friend's kids
for doing so well, I feel gratitude for Jalapeño Maddie and now I feel l can't
keep it in anymore. Thank God for sunglasses and thank God for my bestie who
seems to get it and reaches out to hug me just in time!
We are lucky to have these strangers rally around to help and even more lucky to have our "village" wrap around even closer! Thank you God!
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