Today is the first day in almost a month that I feel normal, or at least what normal used to be for us, with some minor adjustments. We had a clinical appointment to check Faith's levels (translation, how's her immune system). They were what we expected...low :( That means that Faith is very susceptible to infection. This is what happened 2 weeks ago. We had a clinic appointment, her counts were low but she was feeling good so we let her have friends over, they swam, we went out to dinner, then whamo! Fever! Hospital. 48 hours minimum. Shit! What?!? 72 hours now 'cause the fever tried to sneek another peek.
That's the past, we are in the now. But, the now is low counts and sniffles = dreading the inevitable trip back to the hospital. I don't know if I can stomach it again. Who am I kidding, of course I can, I have to, we have to. Poor Faith, Chandler and I are hovering like new parents touching her face, kissing her forehead, "how do you feel? You Ok". She feels like she has a cold, puny, blah, but no fever. So, I decide to exhale. Have a glass of wine and just breathe.
Wednesdays used to be pitching practice. Chandler would take both girls which meant an hour alone for me after work to cook our meal, sip some wine, decompress, and listened to Sting. Well, hell, why not?!? I declare it reverse night (the girls bathe while dinner cooks, then we eat later). Chandler has head out to say hi to a friend and pick up softball stuff so I pretend for a bit that it's Wednesday again, even though it's Thursday, and I pour another glass of wine and cook. I leave the music off this time so I can hear if they need me upstairs, a minor adjustment really, and I pretend. I think I am smiling a little even. That feels good and I note that I should do this more often. Chandler comes home. He must notice the uplifted mood because he swings me around in front of the open fridge and plants one on me. A good long kiss that has gotten the kids attention. Ahhh, the good old days, like the ones last month before "Faith got sick".
As I snuggled her tonight at bedtime she had a request. "Mom, can we stop saying THAT word? Can we just say 'when Faith got sick'? You can even say the 'C' word, but just don't say cancer". Sure thing, baby. That's a reasonable request. I think I may slip from time to time, but I'll try. Whatever works to feel normal!
That's the past, we are in the now. But, the now is low counts and sniffles = dreading the inevitable trip back to the hospital. I don't know if I can stomach it again. Who am I kidding, of course I can, I have to, we have to. Poor Faith, Chandler and I are hovering like new parents touching her face, kissing her forehead, "how do you feel? You Ok". She feels like she has a cold, puny, blah, but no fever. So, I decide to exhale. Have a glass of wine and just breathe.
Wednesdays used to be pitching practice. Chandler would take both girls which meant an hour alone for me after work to cook our meal, sip some wine, decompress, and listened to Sting. Well, hell, why not?!? I declare it reverse night (the girls bathe while dinner cooks, then we eat later). Chandler has head out to say hi to a friend and pick up softball stuff so I pretend for a bit that it's Wednesday again, even though it's Thursday, and I pour another glass of wine and cook. I leave the music off this time so I can hear if they need me upstairs, a minor adjustment really, and I pretend. I think I am smiling a little even. That feels good and I note that I should do this more often. Chandler comes home. He must notice the uplifted mood because he swings me around in front of the open fridge and plants one on me. A good long kiss that has gotten the kids attention. Ahhh, the good old days, like the ones last month before "Faith got sick".
As I snuggled her tonight at bedtime she had a request. "Mom, can we stop saying THAT word? Can we just say 'when Faith got sick'? You can even say the 'C' word, but just don't say cancer". Sure thing, baby. That's a reasonable request. I think I may slip from time to time, but I'll try. Whatever works to feel normal!
RSS Feed